The Difference Between Sex and Love

A BBC documentary ‘The Human Body’ presented by Dr Robert Winston films a sex education class.

The teacher, after writing up the word ‘SEX’ in large letters on the blackboard, asks the teenagers to suggest other words associated with sex. Some time later, the teacher asks the class for the one word that is missing and, after a pause, writes the word ‘LOVE’ on the board.

Despite modern contraception, sex still involves the risk of pregnancy, sexual disease and considerable emotional turmoil (!). So we promote the link between sex and love to ensure that young people understand the responsibilities associated with a sexual relationship.

A girl of sixteen came out to the South of France one summer. On her first night she met an Australian whose self-confessed ambition was to lay every woman in the resort. She fell for his chat and blond good looks and lost her virginity. The next day he moved on (mission accomplished so to speak) and she was devastated.

Fathers are protective of their daughters for this very reason. They know that sex drive causes a young man to be highly focused on his own orgasm and that any idea of a relationship is likely to be the last thing on his mind. Since a woman does not get the same easy pleasure from sex, she offers a man short-term pleasure in the hope of longer-term companionship, mutual support and family (or a sense of belonging), sometimes referred to as ‘commitment’.

If young women are hoping for more than a ‘one night stand’ then they are best advised to make a man wait (at least a date or two) for sex. It won’t do a man any lasting harm to wait and if he is interested in you as a person then he will be willing to allow time for trust and respect to develop.

Casual sex is usually about the ego trip
In the long run, most of us find that having sex with someone we know and love adds something special to the experience. But that does not mean that sex and love are the same thing. Sex is raunchy, exhilarating, orgasmic and fun. Love is caring and nurturing. The two can go together or side-by-side but they are different. Women’s sexual expectations in our society are often confused with softer images of love and romance.

Sex education for teenagers (especially girls) should cover not only the reproductive facts but also how they can enjoy a sexual relationship. Most women who experience orgasm do so through masturbation or oral sex. Telling teenagers to limit their sexual experiences to intercourse makes it less likely that a woman might learn how to enjoy her own orgasm. Vaginal intercourse may lead to family but it was never intended to facilitate female orgasm, either physically or psychologically.

“In some cases, it was not even clear to the woman herself whether there had been an orgasm or merely high levels of arousal.” (p199 The Hite Report 1976)

Not every woman is attracted to eroticism and so many women miss out on the sexual fantasies that lead to women’s sexual arousal and orgasm. Shere Hite referred to women’s experience of heightened arousal as ’emotional orgasms’ to differentiate them from real female orgasms. Perhaps the term ’emotional orgasm’ is unhelpful.

Another way of differentiating between women’s experience of orgasm is by asking about the impact of the relationship. Some women explain their experience of orgasm through their relationship and the idea that their partner finds them sexually attractive. Many women never learn to explore their sexuality either through masturbation or through activities other than sexual intercourse and so they miss out on enjoying sexual pleasure and their own sexual arousal and orgasm.

A woman who enjoys orgasm through masturbation can enjoy orgasm quite separately from her relationship because her sexual psychology is driven through sexual fantasies. Each of these experiences is no better than the other but simply different.

Sex Drive During Pregnancy

What is your sex drive like during Pregnancy?

Changes in sex drive
During pregnancy you may notice a lot of physical and emotional changes. Your breast size increases, and so does your belly. You could also experience severe mood swings and numerous changes in your sexual feelings. A lot of pregnant women could go through fluctuating sexual feelings during the whole nine months of pregnancy.

What does sex drive mean?
Sex drive refers to a person’s natural craving to have sex. It is also referred as libido. On attaining puberty, the pituitary gland in the brain, indicates the body to start generating sex hormones. These hormones aid in ovulation, menstruation and determine sex drive. A woman’s libido is ascertained by estrogen and progesterone levels. Physical well being and self-esteem also influences libido.

Sex drive when pregnant
During pregnancy, you may observe a change in your sex drive. It could either increase or decrease. Such changes are common and it is usually a normal part of pregnancy. It is not abnormal and its certainly not a cause to be worried about.

Usually, during the first trimester the sex drive could decrease due to morning sickness or fatigue. During the second trimester, the libido could increase as some women may feel more energetic. During the third trimester of pregnancy, libido levels could decrease as the belly increases as the time of birth approaches causing several discomforts in daily life. The concern of your baby’s safety could also have effects on your sex drive, mentally and physically.

Increase in sex drive
Many pregnant women may find that their sex drive has increased greatly during pregnancy. The reason for this is because of the increase in progesterone and estrogen levels that result in an increased libido and sexual satisfaction. These changes could enhance lubrication of the vagina, highly sensitive breasts and nipples and an increase in blood flow to the pelvis.

Decrease in sex drive
Some women could also face a severe reduction in libido during pregnancy which is also quite normal. Usually in the first trimester some woman could have morning sickness or experience fatigue which could reduce sex drive. Weight gain or changes in the body could make sex uncomfortable or self conscious. Some women could be concerned about the baby’s safety during sex which could also influence libido whether it be consciously or unconsciously.

Women who are interested in boosting their sex drive while pregnant should try a sexual gel or cream enhancer. During pregnancy most medications should be avoided unless stated otherwise by your doctor, even if its herbal. It would be best to consult with your doctor before taking any sexual enhancements in pill form or any other medications. A gel or cream would be safest form of sexual enhancement while pregnant.

Considering partner’s sex drive
One should consider your partner’s libido which could also change during the woman’s pregnancy. Some men may find their partners more sexy during pregnancy, while others may possibly find the opposite. Some men worry about the baby’s health which could reduce their sex drive consciously or unconsciously.

Handling sex drive when pregnant
In case you are worried about the changes in your sex drive, you could benefit by:
-Talking to your doctor about any changes in your sex drive and safe sex suggestions.
-Discuss with your partner ways to satisfy each others’ needs while taking the baby’s safety into consideration.
-Try sexual positions in which you feel comfortable to make sex pleasurable.
-Trying some sexual gel or cream enhancers for increased moisture, stimulation, and sensations.

How to Educate Your Child About Sex

Many parents think that talking about sex in front of their kids may harm their brain and take them in the wrong way. But this is totally a misconception. Even avoidance of sex education can make more harm to the kids. You may adopt the following methods to educate your child about sex.

1. Try to teach sex to your child in a matter of fact manner, in the same manner as you would talk about any matter with them.

2. Do not lecture. Be persuasive and sympathetic and make sure the child’s interest remains sustained and element of curiosity stays on.

3. If a child poses any question, during the course of sex education, that must be replied to allay his doubts and/or misconceptions.

4. Your discussion should not be around disclosure of biological factors alone. It should also include values, emotions, decision making also, since the young ones value such qualities.

5. Puberty begins from the tenth year, when physical changes like pubic hair, erection of clitoris, enlargement of breast and prominence of nipples, menstruation etc start taking places. So, it is always better to educate the child about sex before the said changes surface.

6. Electronic media, porno magazines and literature, x-rated films have already enhanced children’s knowledge about homosexuality, heterosexuality, prostitution, masturbation, self-abuse or child-abuse, etc. So, such aspect must also be part of a parent’s sex education program.

7. Tell your child what is erection of penis and of clitoris and also what is masturbation, especially to girls. Also explain how and when venereal diseases, AIDS, HIV problems set in. Respond to child’s enquiries in a receptive, sympathetic and friendly way, so that they don’t feel that they have been landed in an awkward position. Let them stay normal.

8. Include and encourage your child to put any question, concerning the subject, to you and, when asked, be simple explicit.

Advantage of Sex Education

1. It will lay emphasis on behavioral, biological, psychological, cultural, clinical aspects.

2. Sexual problems can be prevented by better sex education.

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